Nine Tricks Emotional Abusers Use to Pull Us Back Into the Cycle (and six clever ways to respond!) [347]
Flying Free
Natalie Hoffman
5 • 1K Ratings
🗓️ 30 September 2025
⏱️ 55 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, we're taking a look at the classic emotional abuse push-pull cycle that makes us feel like we’re starring in a soap opera we never auditioned for.
This one's for the Christian woman who’s been there, twisting herself into a holy pretzel trying to keep the peace, hold the family together, and love like Jesus while getting emotionally sucker-punched by someone who claims to love her.
What We Cover:
- The nine mind-warping tactics emotional abusers use to keep you locked in their circus of dysfunction.
- Why your loving heart (and need for connection) makes you the perfect target, and why that’s not a flaw.
- The six empowering, grown-up strategies to unhook yourself from their drama without turning into a fire-breathing dragon.
- Why explanations are overrated, and how less really is more (especially when you're dealing with a manipulative guilt ninja).
- How to set boundaries like a boss while still loving people, but from a safe distance.
Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here
Related Resources:
- Liked this episode? Here are some others you might want to check out: “Your Marriage Abuse Cycle Exercise” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.”
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hi, this is Natalie Hoffman of Flying FreeNow.com, and you're listening to the Flying Free |
| 0:07.8 | Podcast, a support resource for women of faith looking for hope and healing from hidden |
| 0:14.2 | emotional and spiritual abuse. Welcome to episode 347 of the Flying Free Podcast. Today we're going to dive into something that I know hits really close to home for so many of us, me included. This is a topic that I have wrestled with personally, and it is one that comes up again and again in our flying free community. Basically, how do |
| 0:40.0 | emotional abusers pull us back into those toxic cycles? And more importantly, what can we actually |
| 0:47.3 | do about it? So what we're talking about more specifically is the push-pull cycle that is extremely common in relationships where |
| 0:55.9 | there is abuse happening. Here's the typical pattern. First of all, the abuser feels offended by |
| 1:02.4 | something that you say or do. It could be that you didn't make the roast the way they liked it, |
| 1:07.3 | or you didn't wear the dress they wanted you to wear or that you cut your hair or you |
| 1:11.5 | liked a different style of carpeting. It could be that you said something with a tone that they didn't |
| 1:16.6 | like or you set a limit or a boundary or you walked away from a conversation that was going south. |
| 1:22.2 | It could be because you had a different opinion than they did or you didn't give them their way. |
| 1:26.9 | It could be for any reason at all. |
| 1:29.7 | But they have certain beliefs about the world that create their emotions and they get offended. |
| 1:36.6 | If you don't share those same exact beliefs and buy into their universe. |
| 1:42.6 | So what happens next? |
| 1:47.0 | They attack you. They will blame you. They'll shame you. |
| 1:52.4 | They'll guilt trip you. They'll accuse you. We're going to get into some of those specific examples in just a minute. And then three, you set a boundary. You're kind but firm. Then four, they escalate. They get meaner. |
| 2:00.6 | They throw in cruel or passive |
| 2:02.4 | aggressive jabs. And then five, they eventually soften and they apologize and they say, I love you, |
| 2:08.9 | and they give you these convincing pleas to reconnect. And so then six, you open your heart again |
| 2:14.2 | because you love that person and you want the relationship, right? And then |
| 2:17.8 | seven, you just rinse and repeat. This is not about you failing. This is about whatever mental illness |
... |
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