Nicole Can't Stop Being Aggro

Proxy with Yowei Shaw

Yowei Shaw

Personal Journals, Society & Culture

4.8 • 589 Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry.

Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist.

The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against.

In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades studying the emotions that fuel and fracture movements. Together, Nicole and Deborah investigate rage, grief, queer organizing, erotic energy, despair, and how to stay in the work without losing yourself to it.

From the episode:

— Deborah Gould — Professor and Chair of Sociology at UC Santa Cruz, and author of Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDS

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs for another story about a feeling you're ashamed to admit.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — proxythepod@gmail.com

Transcript

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0:00.0	If you had to vocalize the sound of your niche emotional conundrum, what would it be?
0:09.7	It's like punching through a car window while weeping while the like Sex and the City song is on in the background.
0:30.6	Welcome to Proxy.
0:32.6	I'm Yo-A. Shaw, your emotional investigative journalist.
0:36.7	Today, the case of the organizer who's constantly pissed off.
0:42.6	That's after some ads.
1:12.2	Hi. Hey everyone. It's YoA. I'm here to tell you about a brand new show in the Radiotopia family, a partnership with the rock and roll Hall of Fame and fellow indie network talkhouse. It's called Music Makes Us, and it's hosted by literal icon,
1:18.7	the legendary Kathleen Hanna, the frontwoman of Bikini Kill and the Tigra. In each episode,
1:24.6	she sits down with revolutionary musicians like Chaka Khan, Olivia Rodriguez,
1:29.5	and Haley Williams of Paramore to talk about things artists really want to talk about,
1:35.2	things like perfect lyrics, unforgettable shows, treasured artifacts, even snacks.
1:41.9	You'll also hear bonus episodes with rock and roll
1:44.6	Hall of Fame curator Shelby Morrison,
1:47.1	who tells the backstory of an object from their incredible archive,
1:51.7	such as Prince's guitar and Katie Pearson of the B-52's wig.
1:56.9	Music Makes Us is now out wherever you listen to podcasts.
2:00.5	Music Music Makes Us is now out wherever you listen to podcasts.
2:12.3	I have this friend, Nicole.
2:19.8	And while she contains multitudes, there are two primary modes that are very Nicole.
2:28.9	There's party starter Nicole, who's fun and funny. She's got the gift of Gab, throws the best parties.
2:33.2	Fun fact, Nicole was once a professional party starter at a casino.
2:38.6	And then there's agro mode Nicole, which I've never discussed before.
	...

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