Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Janus Pappas, our the most important news program in the history of the world in your entire life that anyone has ever produced. That is me.

Janus Pappas, I am the new Walter Cronkite, and I'm here to tell you about the most important

news happening this month, this year, this week, this hour, this minute, and this second.

And that is that Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly have broken up.

Yeah, and she's pregnant.

So he's joined the likes of Tom Brady and a bunch of other scumbags who leave their pregnant wives right before they deliver.

Do you show up for the delivery?

Do you go, hey, what's up?

Is this awkward?

Is this weird?

Can I help you give birth?

And the whole time she's going, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

And she's got extra motivation to be angry at you because she's also in pain. So Machine Gun Kelly's kid will grow up in a

divorced home, which is very, very rare when two Hollywood starlets get together. I'd say there's

probably an 89 to 96% chance that those relationships don't work out.

If they can't make it, what are the chances any of us can?

I get it, though.

You get with a hot piece of tail like Megan Fox.

You get your tattoos covered.

You switch from rock to rock.

You live a new life.

You're tagging this sweet piece of tail and then she

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