Never Chase Anyone: You Can't Convince Someone to Love You

Jillian on Love

QCODE Media

Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 19 May 2025

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Trying to convince someone to love you is one of the most painful patterns to get stuck in—and it can quietly destroy your mental health. In this episode, Jillian goes deep on the emotional toll of chasing love that isn’t mutual. She breaks down why connection isn’t enough, what real commitment looks like, and why settling for someone who’s one foot in and one foot out is a form of self-abandonment. Join The Conscious Woman Waitlist Join my community and membership, The Conscious Woman Record and submit your relationship question for Jillian at https://askjillian.com/ Order Jillian's book It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life at https://www.jillianturecki.com/book ~~ Follow the show on: Instagram: @jillianonlove Email the show at [email protected] Subscribe to Jillian on Love+ on Apple Podcasts or Patreon ~~ Follow Jillian Turecki on: Instagram: @jillianturecki TikTok: @jillian.turecki X: @JillianTurecki Visit her website at jillianturecki.com ~~ Jillian On Love is brought to you by QCODE. To advertise on the show, contact us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi there, it's Jillian, and I want to tell you about Jillian on Love Plus, your way to get even more
0:06.3	Jillian on love each week by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Patreon. You can access exclusive bonus
0:13.4	episodes with extras, including ad-free listening, answers to your most burning questions,
0:20.0	advice on all things dating and relationships,
0:22.8	and much more. Check out the link in the episode description for more information.
0:33.4	You can't convince someone to love you. You can't convince someone to choose you. You can't convince someone to choose you.
0:38.3	You can't convince someone to want to be in a relationship with you.
0:42.3	And to be in a relationship or to date someone where you have to convince them to love you, to choose you, to want to invest in you is settling.
0:51.3	Don't settle.
0:53.3	And like I said, if you're going to be with someone who you have to
0:57.2	convince to actually be all in in the relationship with you is profoundly, profoundly settling.
1:07.4	And it never, ever works. We think that sometimes, you know, we don't want to settle, like,
1:15.6	date someone who's not on our level, but settling is also settling for a one-sided relationship.
1:23.2	And one of the key foundations of a functional relationship is reciprocity.
1:30.9	Because here's the truth.
1:32.9	You need to find a partner who feels like they are the luckiest person ever to be with you.
1:41.4	And that is not emotional idealism. That is emotional and psychological necessity.
1:51.1	A relationship demands. It requires two sovereign people who voluntarily choose each other because they want to,
2:04.8	because they see the value so much in each other that they want to,
2:13.2	they want to choose you, they want to love you, they want to stay, they want to be in a relationship with you it it really
2:22.4	literally does not work any other way unless we are voluntarily exercising our autonomy
2:31.5	relationship autonomy relational autonomy and, you know what, I value you
	...

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