Nein Mayonnaisen! with Arif Hasan
The Distraction: A Defector Podcast
Defector Media
4.4 • 2.5K Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2026
⏱️ 58 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Drew and Roth are joined by Arif Hasan, CEO and Chief Writer of Wide Left, to preview the divisional playoff games! But first, because Arif lives in Minnesota, he shares his experiences on the ground from recent weeks. And of course, they’ll crack open the Funbag to answer real questions from real listeners.
Do you want to hear your question answered on the pod? Well, give us a call at 909-726-3720. That is 909-PANERA-0!
Stuff We Talked About
- ICE slipping on ICE
- Disbelieving in Bo Nix
- Christian (Charlie) Kirk
- The fraudulent Bears
- Run the ball!!
- Weird old guys and spoiled dumdums
Credits
- Hosts: Drew Magary & David Roth
- Producer: Brandon Grugle
- Editor: Mischa Stanton
- Production Services & Ads: Multitude Podcasts
- Subscribe to Defector!
About The Show
The Distraction is Defector's flagship podcast about sports (and movies, and art, and sandwiches, and certain coastal states) from longtime writers Drew Magary and David Roth. Every week, Drew and Roth tackle subjects, both serious and impossibly stupid, with a parade of guests from around the world of sports and media joining in the fun! Roth and Drew also field Funbag questions from Defector readers, answer listener voicemails, and get upset about the number of people who use speakerphone while in a public bathroom stall. This is a show where everything matters, because everyone could use a Distraction. Head to defector.com for more info.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We're back. We're back. It's a distraction. I'm Drew. That's raw. They're doing raw. Oh, you know. I'm doing okay, I guess. How are you? Hey. All right. That sounds good. That sounds like you're doing as good as ever. Yeah. I have to tell this story because I have one of the places. We'll have her guess on in just a second. So I'm with my family. I'm in Germany. This is over the holidays. I think it's like New Year's Eve or something. And when we arrived in Berlin, I'm just getting over the flu. And Berlin's a pretty rough doubt, like, if you've never been. And... How do you mean rough? Like, just people are... It's a very big bustling city. |
| 0:38.0 | Okay. |
| 0:38.6 | That is, like, Munich is like a charming sort of little German city. Berlin is just big and, like, you know, it's got sort of New York City, like, you're on your own or your type shit going on. Okay. I don't know. I don't know if I... That was a good corollary. It doesn't matter. No, I'm going to not track. |
| 0:53.7 | You're describing as like a big city where everybody, it's not like, you know, one of the sort of quaint. |
| 0:57.4 | I, that was a good corollary. It doesn't matter. No, I mean, you're describing as like a big city where everybody, it's not like, you know, one of the sort of quaint. I, every |
| 0:57.8 | place that people, when people go to Germany around Christmas time, I'm imagining them |
| 1:02.1 | just walking through one of those like Christmas markets that never ends. That's precisely what |
| 1:07.5 | I did. One mile of bobbles. If you like mold wine, motherfucker, you cannot pick a very bowl. |
| 1:14.5 | Anyway, we're all hungry. |
| 1:16.9 | I'm sick. |
| 1:17.8 | We're selling by a bunch of kebab joints around. |
| 1:20.0 | So I go and ask for my kebab. |
| 1:22.1 | Guy says, do you want ketchup with your fries? |
| 1:24.2 | You want mayonnaise? |
| 1:25.1 | I said, no mayonnaise. |
| 1:29.1 | And he grabs a bottle, |
| 1:34.4 | a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise, and starts putting it all over the food. And when I tell you, |
| 1:39.5 | we put a lot on, it's just like, I can't convey it enough. It's like, it looked like an industrial accident. He was putting so much money off. It's like the elevator door is |
| 1:42.9 | opening and the shining. And I instinctively scream. I go, no, out loud. Nine. Nine mayonnaise and I'm like, |
| 1:51.9 | I said, no mayonnaise. And the guy's looking at me like, like, are you bossing me around? You |
| 1:57.8 | didn't even from here, you fucking American ass. And my wife had to take me |
| 2:00.9 | out of the restaurant. She had to kick me out of it. The Vob place, because otherwise this guy was |
... |
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