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Most parents want to help their kids get through problems and make sure they're nice to their

siblings and other children at school perhaps, but while the sentiment is there, nice may not

always be the best way to go.

As Jim Daly and I discuss this with Dr Mike Bechtel,

Nice sounds great, but kindness is better.

We also want to clarify, and this was in your your book too and I think it was brilliant.

This idea of being nice is not the highest goal in communication relationship.

Being kind is and there's a difference as you say between nice and kind describe it

so we better understand it. We like people that are nice if there's something comfortable about being around nice people, but a lot of times people are nice, but it has to do with themselves.

It's usually, if that's all it is, it's unhealthy because it's like I don't want to come across as negative I want people

to like me that's being nice kind has that element but it adds to it I will do the

tough things I need to do to be able to change some things I'll say I'll have the hard conversations.

Nice people won't have the hard conversations.

A tough people will because it needs to happen.

Kind people. Kind people can have those hard conversations. Kind people can have those hard conversations

because it needs to happen. I understand this and it's an important

distinction between being nice and then being kind. Kindness is a fruit of God's spirit. Nice is not in the

list and there is that distinction and I like that idea that you look at

nice as a self-centered attribute because it's about how

you're being received or not being received and that's not the goal. I think

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