What's you drinking on?

Fort tea.

I'm avoiding alcohol this week because I have a presentation on Friday.

And I want to be sharp.

So I don't want to be fucking around with like wine in the evenings because then I'm not

going to be like really doing my discoveries in the way that my brain works the best.

And so and I've noticed that like,

even with one beer, I'm, I'm way lazier. I'm just lazy. I have no motivation.

With with pot, like I still got it. Like I'm still firing, especially when I'm curious.

Like, it's a good companion for going down a rabbit hole.

But, uh, yeah, with alcohol.

I'm actively trying to drink less.

Yeah, me too, for sure.

I, um, my new thing is normally when I go out, I try to stick to something like clear.

And not so I drink a lot of like vodka tonics or vodka waters.

And now I will do or vodka soda, excuse me, I'll do like two of those.

And then I just switch to soda water.

And I'm like so happy the whole time.

Yeah.

But I just really like to get high, just really high.

I'd much rather. If I really, if I really had to choose, I would do so much, so much more willingly just go buy alcohol. You've never really served me well. All the times that I thought you were serving me well, you weren't. You know, I heard this connection recently because alcohol gives you confidence. It's a trick. It's not real. You know, there's something, there's something unreal about that, that boisterousness that everyone's like, oh, I feel myself, you know, when I have like one glad one. And I's like, yeah, I know what you mean. Like you feel maybe a little bit more relaxed or a little unininhibited. But it also gives you this like false sense of something. Like there's something. They even call it a spirit, you know. There's no. It's affecting your spirit for sure. It is. It's doing something. Something else is dipping in there. Do you care if I record the video? No. I don't. yeah. Okay. Because I'm, I'm going to try to transition into some blogging and some. This is my little, uh, new setup in here. I love it. Yeah, it looks nice. What was I going to say? Should I turn a light back on the other? Or is it good that we're both dark? I'm trying to get. Whatever you want to do. I think you look great. I'm just, I have a, I bought a new light. It's the one I show. Oh, awesome. It looks good. But what's I going to say? I brown out really easily. And even when I just maybe had like four or five drinks, like I will forget parts of the night. And I just wonder like who is in charge of me. Like who is controlling me? Oh, I love that question. One day I'll be professional and have some sort of intro. But you know, today's just to you. You do you, boo boo boo. And that's wise words. You do you, boo. Anyway, what episode is this for? 84. Ooh, I love that. Eight and four. That's really significant. And I'm so happy to just be like talking to you today. I know. It's been a long time. I kind of go into these clam shells where I have, I don't know, I barely even talk to my mom right now it's like no i feel you and it's just

anxiety and then i feel bad and then i just i'm i'm an avoidant attachment person and i just like to self-sabotage at the end of the day to my own i was going to say to my own detriment but

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