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I'm 11 Amanda. Welcome to the program. Hi. So we're getting married in April. So I'm 34. That's 35 and we're getting married in April and.

It's we're running into where the way that we knew our relationship with our parents mostly me the way I knew my relationship with my mom is changing and I feel like this big event is, you know, creating some discord between us, let's say and my sorry.

What do you mean your relationship with your mother is changing?

It just feels like the way she's approaching this her ability to support me and her ability to make it about me feels like it's not it's she's supportive but not in the way I need her support me if that makes sense.

What you know it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. None of us gets supported exactly the way we want it from anybody.

That's an unrealistic expectation.

Absolutely. And I think that little girl is your unreasonable expectation.

Yeah. She's not going to be unless your mom is girl in which case put Seth on and I'm going to tell him not to marry you.

Right. If your mom is girl, if he's going to have to deal with your relationship with your mother as part of his daily life, he should get away from you immediately.

I believe felt responsible for my mom in some weird way. We are not responsible for your mom, whether you felt it or so, legitimately, you're not.

Yeah.

And so if you're going to carry that sense of responsibility into your marriage, don't get married. You're going to make his life a nightmare of your emotional problems with your mother. That's not fair.

Right. I'm serious.

It's more. It's not so much that I feel responsible. It's like I'm shedding that part of myself. You know, I feel that I need to.

Can we not talk about how you feel and use your brain?

I don't want to talk about how you feel because feelings are all kinds of erratic crazy stuff that have no IQ.

You have a moral obligation to this man that you too become the priority to each other.

Not your mother, not his mother. If one or the both of you can't do that, then you're not ready for marriage. Maybe not now, maybe not ever.

That's very destructive. When one or the other or both is emotionally tied in with unhealthy expectations going in two ways with a parent.

You're supposed to leave that world and create a new one with him.

Yeah.

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