My Spouse Died Prematurely — Was It My Fault?

Ask Pastor John

Desiring God

John Piper, Unknown, 163859, Pastor, Ask, Theology, Desiring God, Religion & Spirituality/christianity, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Questions

4.8 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 29 April 2022

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How might Christians process feelings of guilt over the death of a loved one? Pastor John offers counsel to a new widow struggling not to blame herself.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back to the podcast. As you know, if you've been listening for a while, we get heartbreaking
0:09.0	emails regularly and that includes this one from an anonymous woman.
0:14.4	Pastor John, I am a new widow, mother of two young boys in my mid-30s. My husband passed away
0:20.9	suddenly and unexpectedly from what we did not know at the time was bacterial pneumonia, which
0:25.3	quickly became septic shock. He also had an underlying heart condition. He died one week before
0:31.7	his 34th birthday. He was normal one day and home with the Lord in three days later. A question
0:40.3	relates to the issue of blame and God's timing in his death. We had thought his ailments were
0:46.3	a flu bug or COVID and didn't realize the severity of what was truly going on. We had responded
0:52.0	by following telephone guidance from a Christian homeopathic provider who had also assumed COVID.
0:57.3	Someone we trusted but perhaps should not have. As I grieve, I can't seem to stop blaming myself.
1:03.6	I desperately want reassurance to know that I did not hurt my husband, let him down or by our
1:08.4	action shorten his lifespan. I tried to care for him and protect him as best as I could, based on
1:14.0	the knowledge that I had at the time. We didn't know we were wrong. Once we were in the ER and discovered
1:19.9	he was facing septic shock, I prayed fervently for the Lord to rescue and heal him.
1:25.1	I guess I'm left wondering if I should continue to feel responsible. I need help to trust God if
1:30.4	he was responsible. And if so, that he is still good despite taking my soulmate and my best friend
1:36.5	home, it's such a young and difficult to understand time. I would greatly appreciate any help you
1:43.4	can offer me. The reference to COVID makes me realize how recent and raw this loss is. This
1:54.1	didn't happen five years ago. Right. So I want to be so careful. I think the fact that she is
2:01.5	reaching out to us in this fairly public way is a good sign that she hasn't despaired of discovering
2:12.8	new things in God's word that might ease the pain. And I think she's right in that there are
2:20.6	new things. I'm sure she hasn't yet seen that God wants her to see for her own
	...

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