My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle?

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Society & Culture, Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.7 • 16.4K Ratings

🗓️ 4 May 2026

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When a mom reaches out on her daughter’s behalf, an old family dynamic comes into focus. A woman finds herself caught between her two divorced parents, still playing the role of mediator and emotional caretaker. As she speaks with Esther, she starts to question what really belongs to her and what it has cost her to carry stories that were never hers to hold.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month! Through clinical, cultural, and creative perspectives, Sessions Live 2026: Cultivating Aliveness: Desire & Its Disruptions explores how relationships are evolving, and how we can translate those insights into practice. Whether you’re a practicing clinician or curious mind, you’ll discover fresh insights and takeaways to help you connect and thrive. Come see me live on May 15th and 16th in NYC! Podcast listeners get a special discount with the code FRIENDSLIVE to get $100 off an in-person ticket, or FRIENDSVIRTUAL for $50 off a virtual ticket at checkout on the Sessions Live ticket page.Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, hi. Hi, Esther. So this is a very interesting starting point for me because I think it's your mother who reached out on your behalf. Yes. And it's a gesture that I think you welcomed.
0:22.1	I did.
0:23.1	Great.
0:27.8	So I suggest we listen to her voice message.
0:28.9	Sure.
0:30.6	And then we'll take it from there. And we will know why she reached out on your behalf and what she was hoping to gift you by creating this opportunity.
0:40.1	How does that sound?
0:41.2	Yeah, sounds great.
0:42.4	Okay, great.
0:43.6	Let's listen.
0:47.8	I think they all thought they had a pretty good childhood.
0:51.3	Their friends thought we were like the perfect family and I hit a lot of stuff
0:57.1	and my kids saw a lot, you know, but nobody talks about it in our family at least. In hindsight,
1:04.4	I think my husband was really strict and it was because she was the oldest and she was had the loudest
1:10.3	mouth and he wanted to be respected because she was the oldest and she was had the loudest mouth and he wanted to be respected.
1:14.3	And she would go at him and I would be in the middle and I would always take her side because I just remember one conversation where he, I don't even remember the meaning of it.
1:24.1	We were at dinner and he said, well, I'm going to take your car away for three years.
1:31.3	And I was like, well, that's just flipping ridiculous. You know what I mean? I have to go to work. She has to bring the kids to crew. But he never talked like that to the other two. He did
1:37.3	once to my youngest daughter and she told them never again and he never, like, he knows who he can
1:42.9	get away with pushing their buttons and
1:45.1	he obviously could with me so i don't know how much of it is pent up childhood anxiety right
1:52.7	but we never talked about it i mean i think one of the reasons i got divorced was so the cycle
	...

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