My Message to Churchgoers

The God Pod

God

Humor, Comedy, News Commentary, Satire, Satan, God, News, Montypython

4.7 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 15 April 2020

⏱️ 6 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Even during a pandemic, people are still going to church. I have thoughts.

Sign up for our weekly newsletter at:
https://thegodpodcast.com/#sign-up-news

Follow God on all social media platforms: https://kite.link/thegodpod

We hope you enjoyed this free episode. Did you know we actually create TWO episodes per week? It’s true! Every other episode of The God Pod is posted exclusively for our supporters on Patreon. In addition to getting an email with both of our episodes each week, you’ll also unlock our entire back catalogue and gain access to our private chat server. Join today at:
https://www.patreon.com/thegodpod

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Stop going to church. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why don't you believe in science, huh? Why? Remember, if you die, you're not coming back three days later.
0:09.7	Stop being selfish. Stop it! Yeah, you know Jesus? He thinks you're a
0:13.4	fucking idiot, okay? You're not Jesus, you're in a cult. Sorry, if you're going to
0:17.7	church during a pandemic, you don't get to ever call yourself pro-life
0:21.6	again. My message to churchgoers.
0:24.8	F
0:25.0	F idiots. Our first story tonight. By one conservative estimate
0:34.0	32,000 churches are still open in the United States. Yep, you heard that right.
0:35.5	32,000 churches are still open in the USA.
0:39.0	32,000 churches are still open in the USA, which means that they're just breeding grounds for disease.
0:47.0	If you get coronavirus, you know who you have to think.
0:50.0	The churches, okay? Not me. I'm telling you to stay at home. For fx sake, stay at home. I'm not
0:56.2	fucking around anymore. Stay at home! It's just insane. 90% of churches have
1:00.8	canceled their services in order to protect their flock because they don't want them getting sick.
1:05.0	But then 10% of churches haven't canceled services in order to keep stealing from their flock because they don't care if they get sick.
1:12.0	Jesus and I don't care if they get sick.
1:12.5	Jesus and I don't care if you go to church, okay?
1:15.5	We just don't want you to get sick!
1:17.5	Stay home.
1:18.5	Jesus says it's okay.
1:20.5	You have our permission. Okay, our second story tonight.
1:25.0	Some Christians are still going to church, citing that they are covered in Jesus's blood.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from God, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of God and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.