This is the Pursuit of Wellness Podcast and I'm your host Mari Llewellyn.

What's up guys? Welcome back to the Pursuit of Wellness Podcast. My name is Marry. I'm hopping on the mic today to answer all of your questions, the juiciest most personal questions. I literally haven't even looked yet but you guys had a ton. I had a quick

glance and I saw some really really interesting ones. It's I feel like you guys know me on such a deeper level now because of the

podcast so the questions are very detail oriented and very like it's so funny

reading them because I'm like oh oh my gosh, they know everything.

So I am really excited to hop in today and answer your questions and this is one of those really

organic episodes where I haven't prepared. I don't have my outline like I normally do.

I'm really just going into this organically and candidly. So before I hop in, I will say I am, I wasn't sure if I was gonna I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about this on the podcast

But I'm definitely not starting the day on the most bright foot. I'm feeling a little bit of a mess right now.

I've been crying a majority of the day thus far. I've got coffee on my shirt. I'm just feeling

like a little bit down in the dumps and mostly because I took, you know, I've been talking to you guys about my

fertility journey and before I talk about it I will say Greg and I have only really been trying now for three months, which I know is like no time at all and this type of thing can take time.

But I did not anticipate how emotional the journey of trying to get pregnant is and I'm

only about three months in and I got another negative pregnancy test this morning and I haven't really talked about that

too much yet but I feel like every time I get a no it it just brings up a lot and it's not necessarily because I'm like wanting it to happen right away. I am that is part of it but it's like a deeper feeling it brings up sort of this feeling of a lack of

control and I'm definitely someone who has learned that control is like safety.

So letting go of that control is really hard for me.

And then it kind of brings up like, I don't know,

just deeper things from my past and it's a whole it is a whole journey and I spent the morning kind of talking to friends about it and

you know reaching out for help and getting some really good guidance and just

learning to kind of have faith and confidence that it will happen when it's

supposed to and this is such a learning lesson for me because I am someone who thrives from

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