I amla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I spent time in a relationship with a married man.

I had to learn the skills and tools required to make my relationships healthy, fulfilling, and loving.

Welcome to the R-Spot, a production of Shandaland Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. Greetings and welcome to the Our Spot, the place we come to talk about, to examine, to explore, hopefully to heal and uplift relationships,

all kinds of relationships. I am Yon le Van Zant. Today we're talking about what I think is one of the most sacred yet complicated relationships that we encounter as human beings and

that's the relationship between mother and daughter. I had two daughters. I've lost

both of them. When I think about my relationships with them, my relationship

with my oldest daughter Jamia was probably one of the most fulfilling, loving, sacred relationships in my life.

Or at least that's what I thought until she passed on and I read her journals.

And what I realized was that she was having a relationship with me that I was totally unaware of and I was having a relationship

with her that she didn't experience. Then with my youngest daughter who just

recently passed away.

I'm real clear that we had a contentious relationship

and it took me years and years to figure out

what was the problem.

She was the baby.

She was spoiled rotten.

She was spoiled rotten.

And she demanded, required, and really got more attention for me than any of my other children.

But the contention in our relationship I discovered was that she represented the part and parts of me that I couldn't see, didn't want to see, never accepted about myself, and projected on to her, the things she needed to do to correct herself when I hadn't corrected those

things in me and once I got that and I began to shift.

Unfortunately it was too late.

There was so much damage done in our relationship.

...