Welcome to Stuff to Blow Your Mind, a production of I Heart Radio.

Good evening.

My name is Dr. Anton Jesser, traveler, adventurer, former horror host and professor of monster

studies here at the University.

I'm joining you once more via dubbed VHS tape from the University Basement.

I can hear the muffled sounds of the Faculty Christmas Party through the ventilation

system, as well as the slow but relentless movements of the creature which lives in the

vents.

But no bother, it's their time to cut loose and to celebrate, even if the sounds of karaoke

draw the monster ever closer to the kill.

I'm here in the basement, my assistant Maxwell and I are meanwhile having our own holiday

get together and are once more considering some listener mail.

Maxwell has selected only the best letters and telegrams from the basket, just those inquiries

pertaining to monstrous biology and belief.

The rest have been crafted into a papal mishae goulum who will monitor the air vents and

ring the bell should they be breached by the creature.

But enough about that, let's get on to the mail.

This first one comes to us from Matt from Toronto.

Matt writes, dear Dr. Jesserp, I am in a holiday predicament which I am hoping that you can

assist with.

I have been invited to a holiday gathering by the waitlies of Dunwich and I'm having

trouble deciding on an appropriate gift for the hosts.

...