Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, July 22, 2019. What's going on? How are you doing?

The podcast is very late today. I'd like to apologize to all the people out there affected, especially the ladies. I know being a woman, it's just so much harder to download a podcast than it is for a man.

And it's something that people with penises just cannot understand. And then furthermore, when you compile that with the fact that you call it the Monday morning podcast and you make a promise.

To put the podcast out Monday morning and it doesn't happen, I just feel like for me. It brings up a lot of daddy issues.

I would say, Jack, can I have cornflakes in the morning? And he'd be like, you're in the morning. I'd have fruit loops. Say sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry to all the sensitive kids.

I should have called it the Monday evening podcast occasionally, but mostly it's the Monday morning podcast. All right. Oh, Billy Freckles. Oh, Billy Thesspy and Billy Shakespeare. I'ma said Shakespeare can't say that anymore.

Shakespeare is almost sexual. I don't know what you're supposed to say. Well, maybe if you cared more about that, go fuck yourself. I live in my own fucking world. All right.

I hold the door for people. I make sure I got my metro card out. You know, if I'm looking at my fucking phone when I walk down the streets in New York, I get up against the building.

That's what I do. Visible shit that you can see. Okay. And you can put it all in the consideration column. People walking around with your fucking words and you're still acting like a cunt. Well, good for you with all you fucking happy words.

You know, no one likes you. Oh, yeah, I went there. Nobody likes you. Who bill? Who are you talking about? I don't know. People. People who fucking bug me. The most conti as people. I'm gonna fuck the I'm an I am over time.

I had to go on set today and say things that other people wrote and it's just so exhausting. Try being an actress. You're not supposed to say actress anymore. Fuck.

Anyway, I had a five a.m. call. What I got a fucking paper root again. Is that what it is? You got one of them paper roots. When I was a kid, when I was a lad, you know, coming up in the 70s,

I had a paper root kids had paper roots. They got up in the morning, got on bicycles and they wrote around the neighborhood dressed as paper boys daring somebody to kidnap them.

Did it every fucking morning pretty much. Except one trip. We took one family trip between third grade and ninth grade. I've told you these stories before started in third grade and it was cute. No, look at the little ginger fucking guy with the big bag right by the time I was in ninth grade. I was like, hey,

it wasn't cute anymore. It's just like, ooh, this kid's not getting laid anytime soon. Good a fucking little kid job and you're riding a bicycle. I haven't been to high school in a while, but I'll tell you right now as far as I remember.

Then cheerleaders was not to that vibe. You want to ride on my bike handles. My handlebars. Bike handles handlebars. Yeah, I saved some money. Most of the money I blew on football cards. Stupid fucking candy that doesn't even exist anymore. Remember big buddy. It was a just fucking gum. It was like, I swear to God, it was like 12 inches long.

And it was just all one stick of it. Giant thing. It just said big buddy and you peeled it down. You fucking just bit it off like beef jerky. You just kept going. Then of course to make your friends laugh. You be like, how much of the big buddy can you get in your fucking mouth? This is what we did before the internet.

This is what you did when you lived in a house in the UHF antenna didn't work. So there was no cartoons. There was just the adult channels during the day. They just had the fucking news and Mike Douglas. Then I would watch the occasional comedian, but you know, all my friends for watching Tom and Jerry and mighty mouse and Woody Wood.

You know the mighty heroes. Remember the mighty heroes. How the fuck did that song go? Some like tornado man, strong man, diaper man. And there was a and go go go. I couldn't stand that fucking asshole.

I could not stand him. He was fucking useless. You could barely get off the ground. You know, I think I like to I like strong man. That was the guy I liked. Anyway, going down the road here. Johnny Quest. That type of shit. All my friends were watching that crap. And where was I sitting at home all by myself in a busy street watching days of our lives?

Mom, is it true that you can come back if you fall off a cliff asking her those kinds of questions. You know, soap opera story lines. Anyways, I anyways, I'm going to continue. That's how I say it. I'll give a fuck. I know it's anyway. I don't give a shit. Anyways.

I got back. There's nobody in my apartment. My beautiful wife, my lovely daughter. We're out with some family members. They're out there getting pizza and everything and old freckles is on the movie diet. So I'm sitting here all by myself eating a Mediterranean salad with some chicken. Right. Not something I want to do. Something I got to do. All right. I'm doing it for the craft.

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