Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 18, 2015. How's it going?

Ah, why?

I'm fucking wiped out. I'm wiped out. You know, not because I did all these shows here. You know, not because I put in maximum effort to make sure everybody got their money's worth patting myself on the back.

Not because of that. You know why? Because I'm an asshole and I went out every night until like three, four, five o'clock in the fucking morning. Like I'm still in my twenties.

You know, every fucking night. I know I always say right before the second show, I'd be like, hey, Verzy, I'm, I'm, it's going to be an early one. You know, it's going to be an early one.

I'm going to be like, oh, I do, do whatever you want to do. But whatever you want to do, right? Then I'd be so amped up after the show. I'd be like, all right, let me just have one little heat out here backstage, right? Somebody gave us a bottle of fucking woodford reserve, whatever the hell it was.

I do a shot and then that was it took a sip of the devil, right? And then I got the demon in my veins and the devil starts talking. Hey, why don't you go smoke us a guy? Why don't you go fucking over here? Why don't you go over there? Every fucking night.

Every night, I mean, if for 10 days, I've gone out every single night, I'm on a fucking bed. Right? What am I doing?

Last night was the first night. I just did my shows and I fucking went home and Joe Bartonick, Rose Bowl, tailgate legend, Joe Bartonick came up from New York to hang and watch the show actually jumped on and did some time on the second show.

And I got Bartonick and Paul Verzy staring at me, right? Of course I want to go. Of course I want to go out, right? But do I? No.

Last night was the first night I said, I can't. Why? Because I learned my lessons. My lesson after fucking nine days in a row of being an absolute shithead. No. The only reason why I didn't go out again last night was because old freckles was getting a sniffles.

I got a cold, what an asshole. Kind of a fucking asshole goes out to four or five o'clock in the morning when he's turning 47. The next goddamn month. Why would I do that? Why would I do that? I'll tell you why? Because I'm a moron.

And you know something a lot of you guys listening right now. You might be laughing. You might be going, yeah, what are you a fucking idiot? Now, you know what you are? You're a parent and you got kids.

So you don't have any choice. I don't have to fucking wake up to anybody. You know, you know that shit when you're laying in bed and your fucking kid walks in. You start dreaming of an obscene phone call and you realize that some toddler going.

Yeah, you up yet. That shit right now. I have to deal with that. I don't have to fucking deal with that. So something's got to give you know, you can't have all that freedom.

You know, something's got to balance it out. So here yeah, I got a cold and my fucking liver felt like I took a fucking liver shot or something.

Anyways, so you know what the worst part about this cold is is I'm sort of fighting it off because I went, I got eight hours sleep.

You know, I'm in that lying stage. We just like, oh, it's not going to get any worse. You know, basically what's going to happen today is the second I exert myself doing anything like lifting, lifting like a spoonful of raisin bread to my mouth.

That's going to be the tipping point. You know what I mean? With a momentum has just changed for the cold virus right there.

And then it's just going to be over. So I know tonight, I'm going to be sick. At which point I'm going to pout, which means I'm going to drink and I'm going to smoke a cigar and go, don't fuck me anyway.

Can you believe that? 47 literally sliding into 50 and I'm still behaving that way. It's a very sad thing. Everybody.

And, but I have nobody to blame but myself other than that though, I want to tell you the show has been going great. And I had a bunch of friends and family come out and last night on the late show had none other than the one man, real right.

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