Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnett. It's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, May 11th, 2015. What's going on?

I'm out here in Boston. And I am four shows into my 19-show run here at the Wilbert Theatre, having a good time so far, running into a bunch of people I went to high school with, worked with.

I had a math teacher from 9th grade. He showed up, you know, algebra, no one was at algebra, my algebra teacher.

You know, and I remember that year you were supposed to get a, well, shit, you needed a 70. That's what you needed.

You needed a fucking 70, just like my helicopter test. You needed a 70 to pass in order to go on to geometry, more math that I was never going to use in my life

because I was not going to be an engineer. I had no idea what geometry was. When I took it, nobody ever told me. They just fucking you just showed up.

And they just started, you know, you had to memorize paragraphs about shapes, the Pythagorean theorem or some shit like that, right?

Opposite angles are congruent. Remember all of that? I don't even know if it's like that for you youngsters out there. You fucking youngsters.

But the way that they go into math, and you can tell right now that I didn't get the 70.

The way that they go into math in fucking high school, it's absolutely ridiculous because up until then, you know, it's one plus one is two, two times two is four, four divided by two is two.

It's all fucking numbers, right? And then all of a sudden, you get to your freshman list. I did. I got to my freshman year. I'm, you know, sure if you're from Asia, you got to this in the fourth grade, but I'm a white guy.

I got to it in the ninth grade. Okay.

I got a regular old fucking meat potatoes, little stewed carrot, fucking brain. I can't help it. All right. My ancestors boiled the food. There was no nutrients in it. And as the result, I'm five years behind an entire continent evidently.

Everything I've graded is that we have nuclear weapons so we can actually bully people into actually thinking that we're an intellectual factor. You know what I mean? I mean, seriously, if we actually, if the world was like a fucking SAT test, we really would not be doing well.

Yeah, I'm dragging my whole country down with my stupidity. That's how fucking arrogant I am. It can't just be like, hey, Bill, you ever think that maybe you're a fucking moron who should I hit the books a little bit harder? No, no, I don't think that I think I'll blame my whole country. I'll blame the whole school system. That's what you do, right?

That's what you do as a parent now when you have a little county kid who needs a swift kick in his little Oshkosh, but gosh, fucking stupid. Oh, those adorable overalls.

Oh, the overalls are adorable. That little fucking monster in them, you know, who's never been told these wrong his entire life and then he's special.

All right, that fucker right there needs to pacify or slap out of his fucking face. I'm sorry.

Lose my voice already. Hey, I'm losing my voice already. You know, I got another fucking 20 shows to do.

That's a be funny thing to say to some parent.

Excuse me, miss. If you don't get that kid on the control, I'm going to slap the pacifier right out of his mouth.

It's not illegal to say that. That's what's funny. It's just now everybody has like a cell phone camera and then they would fill you.

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