Why is it do you think that so many of us, particularly I'm thinking now the women and in particular the mothers that I know, why do we struggle?

Because I think, yes, there's the education piece. What are these mysterious boundaries thing? But what I also see time and time and time again, and I know

this in my own life, I know it. But when I come to set it, I can still, and I know for so many

people, it still feels so, let's use that awful word, selfish. Why is that? What are the roots

under that? It's such a good question. And it's so universal, because it's

funny, I've taught this to women in 250 countries. It's not just Europe. It's not just US. It's not

just North America. It's everywhere. And listen, how were we raised? Zoe, how many times did you

hear in your life? Like, the expectation was be a good girl.

Turn that frown around. Hey, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

We learned this so young. Where's my happy girl? Turn that frown around. Being nice.

I was raised that being nice, being perceived as being nice, was like the do-all-end-all.

It's all about being nice.

And what does that mean?

That means not prioritizing how you feel and what you think if someone else won't like it.

It's prioritizing how other people, what they feel, what they think, making sure everyone's okay.

We were raised and praised

for being self-abandoning codependence. Literally, it was like boot camp in childhood. So we come

to the topic of boundaries, not just from a neutral, I don't know how to do it, please, from a deficit.

Because we're taught that the more self-sacrificing you are, the better you are, as a mother in

particular, of course, you must be the earth mother self-sacrificing, never think of yourself,

always think of everyone else before. But what ends up happening is that you end up the way that I described.

We end up bitter.

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