Mixed Signals: What We Learned The Hard Way (So You Don't Have To)

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 3 April 2026

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever wasted time trying to decode people who are giving mixed signals? If you've spent hours re-reading messages, overanalyzing tone and holding onto potential, this one is for you. Or if you're just starting to date in your 20s and want to avoid all this time wasted, this something you need to hear right now. We're sharing what we learned the hard way so you don't have to experience it too when it comes to mixed signals. Enjoy! - Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	In my 20s, I wasted years trying to decode people who already gave me an answer. I spent hours
0:07.7	rereading messages, over-analyzing tone, holding onto potential, but what if the real answer was
0:14.5	in how inconsistent they were the whole time? And the better question is, why did I need more
0:20.7	than that to believe it?
0:22.1	Mix signals. That's what we're digging into today. I'm U.A. And I'm Julie. And we're sharing what we've
0:27.2	learned the hard way so you don't have to. Because we've all been there. I was silently nod to
0:33.6	everything that you were just saying. Oh my God, if I could only get those hours back.
0:38.7	You don't need to silently nod. You can loudly nod for anybody listening to. Everybody,
0:44.5	we've all been through this because we feel like we have to be detectives in dating and mind readers and psychics and palm readers.
0:52.9	I do think when you're detached, right,
0:55.9	like when we're looking back giving advice from our 40-year-old selves, yes, we are 40.
1:01.4	I know a lot of people don't believe it, although there's probably people like being like,
1:04.4	no, I do believe it. But we'll take it that you don't believe it. We are 40. We've learned a lot.
1:10.6	And I feel like it's easier giving
1:12.7	advice clearly when you're detached from the situation. But I remember like when, especially
1:18.4	like when I was like first dating in my 20s, just feeling like, you know, I needed to decode
1:24.1	every last thing and like figure out what everything meant. Instead of now, I wish I was just
1:29.8	like, look, confusion is a cue. Time to move on. Or ask something that gives a straight answer
1:36.3	instead of being afraid to do that and get the real answer. And I think sometimes, yes,
1:42.0	people can be intentionally giving you mixed signals, but most of the time it's unintentional and they're just being very inconsistent and uncommunicative.
1:52.7	And on the receiving end, you're like, oh, are they playing games? Are they playing hard to get?
1:58.1	Is this waiting to text me back? Is this something calculated? Well, maybe they're just
	...

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