this is bonnie logston burns with today's sex chat quickie i know that many of our listeners

are dealing with a mismatched sex drive in their marriage and this can often be a point of contention

and what i mean by a mismatched sex drive is that one of the spouses desires to be sexual on a more

frequent basis than the other. So in order to align your mismatched sex drives, I want to offer a few

things for you to consider. First, it's okay for your spouse to be different from you. And to be

able to understand the difference between the two of you, it's important that you think outside

of your own inner world. Just because you may find sexual experiences to be

more important or less important than the other still consider their position

with respect and love and then go one step further and take their opinions and

their desires seriously in my own personal, there was a time early on

when I thought his drive for sex was just physical and superficial. And once I understood that

sexual experience is really an expression of intimate connection, it changed my perspective on his

desire for more frequent engagement.

The other item to consider is to talk about it. Letting sexual discord sit and fester will only

lead to gangrene. Here's the kicker. You both have to set aside your preconceived notions

and really hear what your spouse has to say.

The higher drive spouse often feels rejected and the lower drive spouse often feels pressure and

anxiety. And all three of those things. Rejection, pressure, and anxiety are libido killers and

their connection killers. We seek agreement in all other areas of life, like how much

money to spend on a car and how to discipline our kids and how you use your spare time. So seeking

agreement in the sexual arena of your marriage often goes unaddressed because we just don't know

how to have a conversation about it. It's a delicate subject with often high emotions.

...