Welcome to this on-air with Ella minisode. A little bite-sized boost to your day. Always quick,

always thought-provoking, and always under 10 minutes. Let's go. I am here, April, for the most

robust existence that we can create for ourselves. And I truly believe you can maintain vibrancy

in your body, in your relationships, in your work,

in your career. Let's say, let's speak to the person who right now is in that place where my partner

isn't really fulfilling my needs. I feel dissatisfaction. Where do I start? Because that was my biggest issue, I spent a long period of time

just trying to figure out what was causing that in me. How could I fix it? The first thing was I read

this book by a sex therapist, Jack Moran, called The Erotic Mind. It basically talks about how we

as adults use our sex lives to try to get

the emotional needs met that weren't met when we were children. So what he has you do is write down

your top two favorite sexual fantasies and your top two favorite sexual moments of all time and look at

what the emotional needs are that are getting met in each of those scenarios.

For some people, the sexual aspect of that is a little bit of a challenge where it's okay to

drop it down to romantic fantasies and romantic memories, like really what made you fall for that

person or what could someone do or say to you to make you fall for them

or those things that you wish for. But for whatever reason, the sexual ones are the ones that

really point to our biggest things. You got to unravel this for me. Because what I just heard

you say, and you correct me, is we need to identify our favorite sexual fantasies and memories. Is that what you said?

Yes. Okay. And then identify the emotional needs that those met. Correct. But where did their childhood come into this?

So the childhood part is once you know what the emotional need is that's getting that,

let's say it makes you feel validated. You know, let's say that fantasy or that memory, you just felt

so heard, so seeing, so validated in that moment. Then you want to ask yourself, when was the first

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