Christian.

Welcome friends to the Christian O'Connell Show podcast.

Listen, I had a near-death experience yesterday.

I am heavily bandished up this morning, as you can attest, Jack.

I can see it. What's happened?

I look like a mummy today.

Just for the theatre of the mind as you listen to the show wherever you are.

I had an accident in the kitchen.

There are things in the kitchen that I actually think conspired to work against us and attack us.

The cheese grater, I still get nervous using.

I'm very wary and respectful around the powers of the cheese grater.

Yesterday I was making a dinner, my wife said,

Chris, it'd be nice if you spiralize some zucchini.

Straight away, I was like, oh no, does that mean I've got to use the spiralizer? The spiralizer comes out about once or twice a year. Which ones? I know what the... Yes, okay, you crank it to spiralize. You crank it. These days, we don't need to be... Get your crunk on in your kitchen. Okay? You don't need to be cranking up, winding up anything that moves a zucchini, one of those zucchini,

into basically blades. Yes. It's a slow motion bladed weapon of death. And even just assembling this awful contraption as a nightmare, have you got a spiralizer, perhaps? No, I don't get one. But I feel like I need one. No, no, no, no. We can have mine. This is one cut, by the way.

And so once I'd spiralized the zucchini, I was in trying to de-assemble it to clean this wretched thing. That's when it sliced me. Not once, not twice, thrice. Oh, my God. Three near-fatal slash wounds on me. Okay? And I was like, there's a blood dripping everywhere. I lost about six pints of blood. That's your radio fader finger as well. Luckily, this controls the mics, but the actual music comes out of the right hand. So Lord Fader is still going to always be okay, guys. So don't worry. But, yeah, just trying to clean this machine. I was actually swore it, right?

And I said, I'm trying to help you.

I'm trying to clean it.

I'm doing this for you. Trying to help you.

Please.

Put down those walls of defense spiralizer and those blades there.

I was bitching in the kitchen.

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