MFP 344: From Control to Connection: Disciplining Teens with Heart
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family
4.9 • 841 Ratings
🗓️ 4 August 2025
⏱️ 53 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Summary
Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ.
We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools.
Topics include:
• Building trust and fostering independence
• Avoiding the trap of control or punishment
• Communicating values in a way teens can hear
• Creating rules that actually work
Couple Discussion Questions
In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us?
How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior?
What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)?
Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens' growth?
What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Family, all in this together. |
| 0:08.2 | Family, we're taking a chance. |
| 0:10.8 | Family, like birds of a feather. |
| 0:13.3 | Family, we got my shoes and dance. |
| 0:15.4 | Hey, we are Mike and Alicia Hernin. |
| 0:17.4 | We have 10 kids and grandkids too, and we are here for every parent. |
| 0:21.4 | Because we are on a mission to empower moms and dads to embrace their sacred calling. |
| 0:25.6 | So join the conversation. Family, you go with shoes and dance. All right. |
| 0:45.3 | Sometimes our teenagers and our kids can drive us crazy. |
| 0:49.8 | I mean sometimes. |
| 0:50.6 | Sometimes, maybe? |
| 0:51.7 | I don't know, right? |
| 0:52.8 | But then it's also we as parents sometimes are wondering, are we getting it right? Are we actually passing on? Are they the problem or am I the problem? |
| 1:03.6 | And sometimes you're like, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I checking the box? Am I maybe not in a negative way, but like saying, am I fulfilling my role, right? Yeah. And so we want to talk about how, particularly as your kids |
| 1:15.9 | get older, how do you invest deeply in their hearts, in their minds so that at the end of the |
| 1:23.8 | rainbow, at the end of your journey, you can say, I've helped launch these kids. Because I look back now, we've, we've now married off four of our kids. When we did this podcast, our oldest who was now married was just getting ready to graduate college. Right. So this was in 2017 that we released this podcast, which is so crazy. And so now we still have teenagers at home. |
| 1:45.2 | We've been doing this for such a long time. |
| 1:47.1 | I know, I know. |
| 1:48.0 | But we still have teenagers. |
| 1:49.0 | But you know what? |
| 1:49.5 | Listening back to this, I'm like, no, this is, I still believe. |
| 1:52.7 | I still believe this is going to us. |
... |
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