It's the Late Show Pots show with Stephen Colbert.

Folks, you watch the show. You know I spend most of my time over there in the news workshop,

shaping the most topical rose story gold and adorning it with 80 stones for a total weight of 1.78 carrots

and adding a concealed box clasp in yellow

gold to create the Van Cleef and Arpell-Pel-Purlaid clover bracelet that is my nightly monologue.

But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after beaching a stolen jet ski on a garbage scowl while

snorting crushed-up suit-fed, I string some half-eaten jolly ranchers

onto a dirty bootlace

and parade around wearing nothing

but the glittering stank bangle of news

that is my segment.

Meanwhile.

It's poetry.

Meanwhile is really more, it's more like poetry

than comedy. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, it's really more, it's more like poetry and comedy.

Meanwhile, a Utah man dropped a 1,900-pound pumpkin onto his geometro,

causing the geometro to significantly increase in value.

That's a lot of pumpkin.

Meanwhile, in celebrity pet news, NFL legend

Tom Brady has revealed that his dog, Junie,

is a clone of his late dog, Lua.

Look, as a dog lover, I get it.

...