The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Good morning America, I have a birthday. You did it, America. Good work.

It's your 200 and 40th anniversary of being a thing. Your inevitable decline is, well, I think it's

still pretty much on the way. Like you're still, I mean, you're still on it, but it hasn't,

the ride hasn't come to a stop yet. We've had a good run though. We had good run in America.

So eat a hot dog and watch our country slowly pass away. I watch this movie.

It's on a bull named Fu Manchu, America. I watch this movie about the collapse of America yesterday.

And it was called Zookeeper. It's all about how we're just done. We're all just done here.

This is my brother, our brother me, to an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother,

Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your precious moments,

baby doll Griffith McElroy. Sweet little bracelet, baby. All right, my sweet little

bracelet, angels. Today, we're going to take questions from our readers and we're going to give

them advice about them. What do you think about that? I hate it. Yeah, let's change it up. Just,

it's just like dear Abby. Mm-hmm. If she's still alive, I hope she's still alive. Can we,

I would like to rename her column and just call it, hey, Abby. Sup, bitch. This is my column,

sup, bitch. Some of this, bitch. I'm like, I don't know, whore. Bitch, my shit is fucked. Fix it.

Hey, Abby, you bitch. My shit is so fucked. My shit is fucked to four miles. Fix me.

But I'm that stupid, burp machine you call mouth, you whore. Give me some fucking advice.

We take a weird turn. I'm like a weird anti-deer Abby turn. I don't know if I should just

...