The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother in-law. I'm your brother Justin McElroy.

I'm your middle-aged brother Travis McElroy. I'm that sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy.

And America's battling back for her birthday. That's right, America's birthday is here and America.

We're coming back, but we're coming back because a lot of other people are sitting and

we drop in the ball right now, and America's just going to see him there and reclaim his glory by

default. I'm looking around the world today. I'm seeing a lot of nations just kind of

screw in the pooch, but we're back. America's like moving up the education standards list because

suddenly every other country forgot how to read. Which is one way to do it. It's one way to climb

that old ladder in it. You don't have to make a fast battle in the longest. For her birthday,

so America's back and I just couldn't be happier to be from this great thumb on Earth. It's a kind of

thumb shape. You're trying to draw America. Man, it's so hard. It's really hard. Let me ask you this,

Justin. What did you get America for her birthday? I got America was Amazon Echoes. Nice.

I got it. I put it in Kansas because I wanted it to be like sort of central. In the middle of it.

Yeah, no. And that way everyone can use it. You just, hey everybody, real quick, stop the

park. I stop whatever you're doing. Just yell at Kansas real quick. Just be like, how do you

convert 90 degrees Fahrenheit to Celsius or play Dave Matthews band? You hear me, Kansas?

I forgot it was America's birthday again. And so I just went into the sheets and I got like a

teddy bear. And there's a little compartment and it's belly for jelly beans. Nice. I got America

...