The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Hello everybody, welcome to my brother-mean-advice show for the Modren era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy.

I'm your middle-aged brother Travis McElroy. I'm your baby-est brother Griffin Leboets.

Boy, Griffin, are you using your married name?

I'm using my stage name Griffin Leboets. Griffin, Griffin, the experience Leboets.

I like that. You know, guys, I'm getting pretty excited. It's back to school time.

And how does that affect your day-to-day life, Justin?

Well, finally, I can ship this kid off for eight hours a day and get a little time back to myself.

I don't see why you can't get a leg up, get an early start. It takes 10,000 hours to become

a master of school. Start it now. Is your entire school are all the sharp edges foamed over?

Have you foamed over every sharp edge in your school?

Listen, I'm going to stares that you have. What is that about? Like, stares?

I'm going to need a strict no-bullying guarantee from you because my baby can't stand...

she's an amazing child. She cannot stand up to much physical bullying.

She can't stand up very well. She can't stand up either. But if she starts getting bullied,

she doesn't have the tools to protect herself.

I noticed that at 10 a.m., you have her scheduled for pre-algebra. That's crazy because she'll

be asleep. Where is her nap zone? Is there a class I can enroll her in where she watches

shapes and colors move on an iPad? Do you have any parental incentives for good grades?

...