The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to my brother and my brother and me.

My show's in modern-era. We usually come up with something to say at the beginning.

I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McElroy.

I mean, baby is brother, Griffin McElroy. Did you just tell everybody what we won't do?

My thing for the beginning this week was a little bit of my brother and my brother,

me trivia, in that we normally come up with something to do at the beginning.

Fun facts. Here's the thing we're not doing this week. Do you know why? Because we stay up to like

2am watching the Pokemon live musical. That is true, Griffin.

Okay, we're all sitting here recording. I'm going to paint a picture for everybody who can't

see us right now. Justin's pointing furiously at Travis and the board just pointed to something

up. Are we good? Those levels look much better to me. Yeah. Oh, by the way, if you're just

tuning in, there's your second episode ever, and you listen to the Can't Line's episode, we curse a lot.

Oh, fuck, it feels so good to be back in the fucking saddle. We had hundreds of people who...

600 people. Listen, we had 600 people who travel from hundreds of miles away to see our show.

Our wives are literally in the god damn next room, and they cannot be bothered. They can't

have a free... Wait, what do you want them to do? Stand in the doorway and just watch us lovingly

and lovingly. I want them to pull up a couple chairs, get some nog and make it a real festive show.

I like a lot, a personal intimate life. You know what? I can ebay that. A personal intimate

...