The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era.

I'm your super smearth, totally great host with the best pipes in the biz, Justin McElroy,

old as a brother. I'm your middleist brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby, Griffin, Justin,

I can hear your individual vocal cords slapping against each other, like two wet hands.

Just slap slapping away. Yeah, I over the Christmas break, I took a lot of classes in how to get that

deep rich sound that all the radio babes crave. Was that taught by the Wolfman on WAMX?

That's taught by Dr. Wolff's. My wolfens dying. Pre-bees. He's the wolfiest guy that is around.

Why do you sound the way that you do? I've got a great, I've got a new microphone for Christmas,

and it's a grown-up microphone that's plugged into a mixing board that gives me full control over

the sound. So if I want to go full high on the EQ, let me check the audio. Let me check

the audio. I am Travis and in the future I have full control over the EQ. I'll check it.

I'll check it out, you're in a box. Make it sound like you're in a box. Okay, the one thing I

tell you is I forgot to monitor myself, so I don't know what any of this sounds like.

Well I have more like an old-timey radio. Now I'm over here. Well you just kind of

have entirely disappeared. Now I'm over here in your left ear. Okay, so don't go back to the

right ear, because there's nothing for us. I'm going to get like a nice healthy blend here.

Can you put on a old-timey prospector filter? Yeah, hold on one second.

All right, good for when you're editing this. Just make it sound like I'm an old-timey

...