The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed.

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool

they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby.

Welcome, my brother, my brother, me and a vice-show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother,

Justin McElroy, and I'm doing this one shirtless. I'm your middle-est brother, Travis McElroy,

and I'm wearing multiple shirts to make up for that fact. I am your baby brother,

Griffin McElroy, and I am talking to you with my weener. Ladies and so-

You're not curious about that at all. You're already moving on. You don't want to know how it's

worked. I don't want to think about it. Is there like a ventriloquist puppetry of the penis kind

of thing? I can't do this with you. It is sort of puppetry of the penis. Yes, Travis,

except it's a very literal translation of that idea. Let's just say I've been working on my

urethra control. Justin, you want to keep going or? Yeah, I'm just going to. Okay, ladies, let me

paint you a picture. I have just arrived from the shower. I've got my two tightly-wise on my hair

is still dripping wet. Do you guys know Joe Mangliano, the the the werewolf from Trueblood?

Okay, imagine him, except now imagine Joe Pantley on now from the majors. That's what you're

getting right now. Or perhaps actress Taeliano. Or perhaps Chuck Manjioni. Perhaps you're

going to. Imagine Luigi and Mario. Stand in a line into one horrible person. Just arms and legs

and mustaches everywhere. That's me right now. This is an advice show for the modern era where we

take your quandaries and we turn them out, alchemy like into into wisdom and knowledge and I think

growth. I think that's really our sort of focus has been in 2012 as growth. I want everyone to

better themselves and I want to be the vehicle upon which you ride to betterness town. We want to

...