Today in honor of July 4th Independence Day, I will be defending America from the attacks

of salty TikTokers.

This will be on my part, I think, perhaps not quite as brave as the colonists fighting

against the British for independence, but I think not far behind.

I think it's like in that realm, they'll build statues to me one day, I'm sure, and then

those statues will be going down.

It'll require almost as much valor and daring, you might say.

Now there are a lot of America haters out there in the country, as we know, in general,

a great many people who are living here and enjoying the luxuries and the liberties and

the fruits of living here, and who certainly would not want to live anywhere else, which

is why they're here and yet they're resentful and they're angry.

And they can't quite explain why.

That's the one thing they can't do, or maybe they can, or maybe they can't explain.

Let's go to TikTok and we'll give them a chance to present their case, such as it

is, and we'll start with this.

Hi, so I just texted my dad to ask about my Canadian citizenship because my brother applied

for his, because apparently that's something that I have that I can do, kind of cool.

But anyways, I just had to apply for mine because I didn't have any interest in it like

a couple months ago, but now I'm fucking terrified to live in this fucking country because

I'm so fucking over it.

Because I hate my town and I hate the country in general, and that's just on hating America.

Not that my career can really function in Canada at all, so I don't really know what I'm

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