And I don't know where I stand with them. Oh, I don't know where it's going. Oh, yeah, they make me feel fairly unsafe. Yeah, they haven't texted me in five days, but have you seen?

You shallow f***ing judgmental superficial wretch.

Too much. Wikipedia used to say that I was five-seven. It's not true, is it, Jameson? I'm a healthy five-eleven, but that's not the point. And that shouldn't matter anyway, but it does to a significant number of you out there.

Most people at some point in their life have complained about how shallow the other sex is. Most people have been incredibly shallow about who it is they're choosing. There is a wonderful hypocrisy about so many of us out there dating.

I always thought it's funny the idea of two people going on a date and one of them is just complaining like he said he was six foot. He is not six foot. But he's then saying, you said that was your face. And that's not your face. There's a filter on your face that made you look like a completely different person. There's this feeling of everyone's catfishing everyone.

But if you think about it, why is it we catfish each other in subtle ways? Because we know that people are superficial. And that if we say that thing, it might actually get our foot in the door in a way that we wouldn't, if we were just exactly who we were and how we look.

This is sad because it's actually not how people tend to fall in love. There is a massive difference between who we fall in love with on paper in photographs when we're describing what we want and who we fall for in reality given the chance given enough time and investment and shared moments.

I believe that our standards are far too high about the things that don't ultimately matter and they're far too low about the things that do someone who's kind, consistent, reliable, an amazing teammate, someone who listens to you.

Now, a lot of the time because we find the things that we think we want, the things we have high standards about, charisma, looks, height, age, clothes, or the style that someone has.

Because we find these things, we then overlook the fact that this person doesn't have the things that really matter. And we have very low standards there. Yeah, they're not very nice to me. Oh, they're not very consistent. Oh, I don't know where I stand with them. Oh, I don't know where it's going.

Oh, yeah, they make me feel fairly unsafe. Yeah, they haven't texted me in five days, but have you seen them? That's how we behave in our love life.

And we invest based on these things that don't matter when we should be investing based on the things that do. Now, I made this point a couple of weeks ago. And someone asked me a question that I thought was pretty interesting.

It sounds like what you're saying is I just need to go for someone who's really good to me and treats me well, but who I don't really feel any excitement for whatsoever.

Can't I have it all? I thought, you know what, there's a perfectly phrased question because that's our fear, isn't it? That's almost there's this rebellious streak in us that says,

but I want someone hot. I want someone who turns me on. I want someone I have chemistry with. I don't want to settle for someone who's nice and boring.

So I thought, let's make a video about this because I have five things that I want to communicate to you in this area that are not fundamentally going to change everything that you're attracted to because I don't have that kind of power.

But what they are going to do is shift you by perhaps 10% and that 10%

massively increases the pool of people that could make you insanely happy.

Number one, go into a date with a generous lens. Try to go into a date with the mission of figuring out what's great about this person.

A writer that I know Kevin Conley, who interviewed people for a magazine and he had to write these columns, these profiles on these people.

He said, I found that if I searched for a moment where I could feel gratitude for the person in front of me, I could get myself to really care.

And then I would go away and I would write a great profile on this person.

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