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Love Life with Matthew Hussey

(Matt Monday): Want MORE From Someone... DO THIS Now

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.82.9K Ratings

🗓️ 24 July 2023

⏱️ 8 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between dating anxiety and your needs not being met.

If you know your insecurity can lead your thoughts down irrational pathways, how can you figure out if something you’re stressing about is a real concern? For instance, if you had the most amazing date last weekend but they haven’t texted you for a few days, should you be worried?

And most importantly of all, how do you get more investment from someone if you’re feeling this way?

Instead of feeling insecure and waiting for someone to come to you and meet your unspoken needs, listen to this week’s episode and break free from the self-doubt and anxiety cycle.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

A confident mindset has us asking the question, is this enough for me?

0:05.8

Not simply do I need to work on myself because this affects me.

0:09.9

Someone recently asked me a question. She said, in the early stages of dating, when you're

0:33.4

exclusive with someone, if someone doesn't text me for a couple of days, should I be

0:39.6

okay with that? What she said was, I read somewhere that if someone doesn't text you for

0:45.2

a couple of days and you have a problem with it, then you need to do some inner work. You

0:51.6

need to work on your anxiety. Have you ever been in a situation like this where maybe you're

0:56.2

in one right now, someone's not texting you as much as you would like, maybe there's been

0:59.9

a period of time where you haven't heard from them. And you find yourself asking, is my

1:04.1

anxiety the problem here? Am I asking too much? Am I just acting out of my own trauma, my own

1:11.0

fears? Do I need to do work on myself so that this doesn't affect me? Or is it legitimate that

1:18.3

this is affecting me? I want to make a key distinction here that I made to her. There is a big difference

1:29.8

between anxiety and needs. Anxiety is when our thoughts go in all sorts of sometimes irrational

1:39.3

and mutated directions. You know, someone doesn't text us for a couple of hours and all of a sudden

1:44.5

we think they're cheating. We message someone and they don't text back within five minutes and we

1:48.9

go, they don't love me as much as I love them. We go in all of these directions that may not

1:55.0

necessarily be true, may have no basis in reality, but that's what anxiety does. It makes things that

2:01.6

are often improbable or irrational seem like they're vivid and real. Anxiety has to be separated

2:09.7

from our core needs. Our needs in a relationship are what's the base level of affection or communication,

2:19.6

or love that I need and need to feel in order to be happy. So from that point of view, instead of

2:26.8

asking yourself, do I need to work on myself because I want texts more frequently than every 48 hours?

2:37.4

Ask yourself, what do I actually need from my intimate relationship? Would I like someone

...

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