When we're in a perfectionist mode of looking for perfect, we're always going to find the things that are wrong.

But we often don't look to the things that are really, really right.

When you know, you know.

If you know, you know.

This is a phrase that's thrown around a lot in our love lives.

You know, when you're sure about someone, you're sure.

You don't need to ask any questions.

You don't need to ask anyone else's opinion.

You don't have any doubts.

You just know.

I think that this is a very destructive idea when people are looking for love.

I've also heard in self-development communities the idea that it's either a hell yes or a hell no.

And when we apply these things to our love life, it can leave us feeling like we're somehow inadequate

because we're not achieving that feeling with people.

You know, we hear stories of people who say, you know, it wasn't even a question.

Once I knew I was all in, it's absolutely true that there are people that get that feeling.

And that is what propels them into a long-term relationship or a marriage.

But that's not necessarily true for everybody.

And I think one of the most pernicious ways of thinking when it comes to our love life

is that there is this one-size-fits-all for how everyone should get into a relationship.

But that assumes that we're all built the same.

Some people are built for a level of certainty.

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