You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Text to 78592 says,

Last week, I ate an entire rotissory chicken using just my fingers while riding the bus home from work.

Wow.

Oh, that is a...

Got a lot of weird looks, but...

I bet the bus smelled better than usual.

Oh, damn, that chicken was good.

Dude, those rotisserie chickens you can just pick up from the store?

That is so greasy.

Yeah.

I know, that's what I'm like...

I think the weird looks were from when you were eating the mashed potatoes with your hands too. Just dimming. That's weird. But you know what? You might get some strange looks on this segment, too, as you tell the world your secrets here on the mass speaker. But we promise to let you put your fingers wherever you like. Wait a minute. I don't actually promise that. That one's a Jeff exclusive. We'll disguise your voice while you do it to protect your identity. So we won't even know who it is? Nope. That's just how I like it. And we've got a guy on the phone who's picked Jack as his fake name. So Jack, welcome to the show, man. Oh. Yeah, welcome to Jeffrey's rotissory pleasure den. Hope your fingers are out because the voice changer

is on, you are the mass speaker whenever you're

ready, let's hear your confession.

Well, okay, so I have a dog

who is a buster.

Aw.

I immediately love your dog.

...