You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Text to 78592 says, I have an irrational hatred of people who balance rocks in nature.

Oh, I'm with you. Unless it's to mark a trail, you don't do it. Oh, to mark a trail. They say, I have no remorse toppling those stupid stacks, but I am low-key afraid to be spotted and clubbed down by some violent Zen Buddhists. Like on top of a mountain? Dude, they're rock karens is what they're called.

Take it down.

There's a reason why they're called a karen, okay?

We promise not to club you down after you confess your secrets here on the mass speaker.

It just goes against our violent Zen Buddhist ways.

And we've got a guy on the phone right now who's chosen Travis has his fake name. So

Travis, welcome to our nonviolent temple of honesty. How you doing?

Hey, guys. What's going on? Are you feeling balanced?

Not so much, no. No? Well, maybe you'll feel better after you get whatever's off your

chest because the voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker.

Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.

All right.

So I switched gyms about a year ago.

They joined a more upscale one and it costs more money.

But honestly, I feel like it's really nice.

It's way quieter.

It's worth the money.

...