You don't know me.

A confession I can't take back.

I am.

The masked speaker.

Text to 78592 says, people say it's weird that I squeeze toothpaste straight into my mouth instead of putting it onto the brush first.

Yeah, that is kind of weird. But I think it saves me at least 15 seconds per brush. I just say. It's so much more efficient when you can just wipe it all over your teeth and brush. Just not the right way to do it. Let's be honest. Disagree. I don't butter my toast. I pop the butter straight in my mouth and then I bite the bread because it's way easier. So I'm with whoever that guy is.

You actually have a wild point. Well, we're all about efficiency here on the mass speaker because we want you to confess your secret anonymously and in a timely manner because we've got commercials coming up. And we've got a guy on the phone right now who's chosen Seth as his fake name. So, Seth, welcome to the show, ma'am. Hey, thanks for having me, everybody. Hey, Seth, what did you squeeze in your mouth this morning? Oh, what? Oh, that from the... Yes. You know what, Seth? We don't even have time for small talk because the voice changer is on.

You are the mass speaker.

Whenever you're ready, let's get right to your confession.

Okay, cool.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years.

Okay.

First time I met her parents was actually like a long weekend stay over at their house.

Oh, dang, you jump right in. I like it. Oh, my gosh. Exactly. And we were four months into our relationship. Four months, okay. So immediately going into that, I was, like, kind of nervous because she said, my dad is not scary, but he is thorough. So be prepared for that. Not scary, but thorough.

Okay.

So he's going to ask.

Or he's just going to ask a million questions. Oh, yeah. That's kind of what I assumed. Yeah, or like a full cavity search as soon as you enter the door. But you would enjoy that. Yeah, I mean, I'd be like, oh, wow, I can't wait. God, I love this family. I really didn't know what to expect.

I didn't know if it was going to be here to full cavity search or whatever.

Yeah.

Okay. Wow, I can't wait. God, I love this family. I really didn't know what to expect.

I didn't know if it was going to be here to full cavity search or whatever. Yeah. Okay, best behavior for the whole weekend. Got it. Right. Okay. How'd it go? So we pull up to the house and her dad literally holding a giant knife. Oh, God. Because he's in the middle of gutting a fish for dinner. Oh, okay.

Okay.

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