Welcome to episode 268 of the Recovery Show. Today I'd like to share with you Mary

Pearl T talking about step four.

Step four. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The main reason I had such a hard time with this step is I saw five.

Sort of like family feud, they shouldn't reveal them to you, you know, until after you've done it.

Because when it says you're going to have to admit it to God,

yourself another person.

I didn't want to have to tell another person to stuff that I knew.

I had so much guilt and so much shame. I kept thinking why do you have to do it with somebody else?

Why would you have to go and talk somebody else about something like that?

You know, it's very important that we do that but we'll get to that

in five because I had all these fears and guilt and shame about my vast

behavior and I hated for anyone to know my great truth. I hated my mother.

You know, kids are not supposed to hate their mothers.

That's sort of un-American. It may maybe un-Canadian too, I don't know.

You know, but you're supposed to love your mother.

It seems that everybody says that, and I hated my mother.

And why did I hate my mother?

Because my mother didn't love me.

And it's like if you're not going to love me, I'm not going to love you.

And besides, I'm going to hate you for not loving me.

And I fed on that hate and this stuff.

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