Marital Conflict and Gottman's Four Horsemen (2018 Rerun)
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.5 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 12 November 2024
⏱️ 35 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/KIRK to get 10% off your first month.
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April 20, 2018
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, deserving listeners. I got a call recently from a podcast host or a radio show host who |
| 0:07.3 | wanted to talk with me about marital conflict, conflict in couples, and the Gottman for |
| 0:14.6 | horsemen. And so they sent me the audio just now, and so I thought I would just play that |
| 0:20.6 | for you for your |
| 0:22.3 | enjoyment. So let's get to that. The person who interviewed me, her name is Leslie Dores, |
| 0:29.9 | and her show is called Happily Ever After is just the beginning. So let's go to that right now. |
| 0:37.3 | You know, as I've said many times before, most relationships don't end with a bang. |
| 0:43.9 | They're actually victims of what I call death by a thousand cuts. |
| 0:49.3 | Another analogy that I also use is the frog in the boiling water, that if you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, the theory is it will jump out immediately. |
| 0:59.0 | But if you put it into a cooler water and gradually raise the temperature, |
| 1:04.0 | the frog isn't even aware of the change and it'll eventually die. |
| 1:08.0 | And this is actually what really happens in relationships, that things start to go a little |
| 1:14.3 | off track and we don't really notice until finally they're so off track that somebody just |
| 1:19.6 | says, done. |
| 1:21.6 | So the question becomes, what signs of stress are actually happening in your relationship that you might not be aware of? |
| 1:30.9 | And what toll is this incremental negative change taking on it? |
| 1:36.1 | And better yet, is there anything you can do about it? |
| 1:39.9 | So my guest, professor of couples and family therapy at Antioch University in Washington State, |
| 1:47.3 | and host of the Psychology in Seattle podcast, Kirk Honda, is going to help answer these questions. |
| 1:53.9 | So Kirk, thank you so much for being on the show because I know this happens all the time. |
| 1:58.5 | People go, well, things are okay, and then things aren't okay, |
| 2:03.2 | and then suddenly somebody goes, yeah, I'm done. |
... |
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