Hello, my friends, and a big, big welcome to the Independent Republic of Mike Graham.

It's with me, Jeremy Carr, you lucky people.

You would talk, of course, on TV, radio online, and we are on your smart speaker.

Coming up tonight, my friends, the government declares enough is enough,

and announces a new five-point plan to slash migration.

Sneaky Snowby caught out.

Of course he was, as his agent reveals,

the two alleged royal racists

were indeed sent in the original draft.

Plus, as new figures out today

suggests that the UK has now seen

15 years of relative decline,

Talk TV gets a first-hand perspective

as we visit Britain's poorest town.

Somebody wrote this.

Roll up, roll up.

I'm here for one day only as your interim leader of the Independent Republic.

And I come, my friends, bearing news that finally the government has decided they've found a way to fight our addiction to cheap foreign labor. They've got to work on the Rwanda scheme too,

and we can find out during the show what plan Fishi-Rishi-dissie-dissie-Rishy has got up his sleeve.

Meanwhile, this is brilliant.

Labour leader, Sakea Stama, seems to be turning blue,

and not because of what he might or might not have been watching online.

...