Making & Keeping Agreements For Times of Conflict, Even When Your Partner Isn't: Episode 311
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 3 October 2023
⏱️ 24 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, you'll explore the critical role of agreements during times of conflicts in your own marriage. Just like any game, your marriage really only works on the adherence to certain rules or guidelines, then everyone can have fun playing the game! While your marriage involves various agreements for different aspects of life, the most vital ones are those designed for navigating conflicts. These agreements, treated as laws, encompass actions for you to take or avoid when emotions run high, including refraining from yelling, name-calling, bringing up past grievances, or storming out without communicating the need for a break.
Beyond mere verbal promises, these agreements demand your genuine commitment and personal responsibility. Emotions are viewed as data, not directives, and you're encouraged to recognize your emotions, calm your nervous system, and pause when necessary. Even when your partner fails to uphold their agreements, this episode stresses the importance of your personal integrity and establishing minimum acceptable standards for yourself, ultimately providing you with a roadmap for resolving conflicts constructively and maintaining a healthy marriage.
Resources:
NEW DE-ESCALATE CONFLICTS GUIDE: A realistic guide to managing your emotions and keeping simple conversations from escalating into overblown fights. It's the De-escalating Conflicts & Regulating Emotions Guide and it's only $19.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. We're here you get modern, non-boring relationship advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay in the same team no matter the challenge that you face. I am one of your host, Aaron Freeman. And I'm Jocelyn Freeman, but you all just know us as the Freemans. And this episode is making and keeping agreements for times of conflict, even when |
| 0:22.6 | your partner isn't. Yeah. So this is really key right now. It always is. But because we get |
| 0:28.9 | behind closed doors insight into what couples are dealing with, there's going to be conflict. |
| 0:34.7 | And we're finding that more recently couples are feeling like it's gotten |
| 0:38.9 | turbulent or the conflicts have gotten more heated than usual. And we know that afterwards, you can feel |
| 0:45.8 | kind of like, oh, you just feel the argument hangover, but you can feel guilt. You can feel even sometimes |
| 0:51.9 | shame, even though that's the worst feeling ever, right? No one wants to feel that. But afterwards, we can feel even sometimes shame, even though that's the worst feeling ever, right? |
| 0:54.3 | No one wants to feel that. |
| 0:55.4 | But afterwards, we can feel that guilt and sometimes even embarrassment for how we act. |
| 1:01.4 | And as you heard us on other episodes, how we fight is really important. |
| 1:06.3 | We don't want to be doing destructive things to each other. |
| 1:09.9 | We need to keep it constructive. |
| 1:11.7 | We need to stay on the same team. And we did a post last week where we talked about how we have |
| 1:16.9 | agreements for times of conflict. And it's interesting because it got some interesting |
| 1:20.7 | conversation sparked, some really great questions, some people even being like, oh, that's |
| 1:25.7 | nice in theory. There's no way i could keep that right and so |
| 1:28.7 | we're going to even talk about that how to actually keep the agreements for times of conflict so |
| 1:33.6 | you've got a great analogy erin for why agreements are relevant for conflict well i'm going to say |
| 1:40.0 | that marriage is a game and i have something before that well marriage really is a game though |
| 1:47.7 | right it's it sometimes can feel really serious but you also can see other videos out there to talk |
| 1:53.4 | about like life is a game right and that's kind of a certain mentality that we're taking on for |
| 1:57.5 | ourselves but in a very large sense it is. |
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