Hey girl, what's up with you?

Wait a minute, is this the right number?

It's, um, the loser line.

Come on, just call me back.

If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this.

Let's say a guy approaches you while you're out at the club,

and he uses this charming pickup line on you.

Oh my god, you're so freaking hot.

You're melting the plastic in my underwear right now.

What?

After he says that, whatever you do, do not tell them that the authorities are already on the way.

Why is there plastic in your underwear?

Don't ask.

Okay.

You're staying around too long.

They're supposed to be running while thanking him for the compliment as you sprint at full speed.

Then you drop a piece of paper with the number to the loser line on it, so hopefully he calls and leaves an awkward voicemail that we can play over the air.

Voicemails like this one.

Next message.

Hey, Cheryl.

So, yeah, I just want to reach out because remember when we met at the bar and we were talking about hobbies?

And you said yours was drinking wine.

...