Hey girl, what's up with you?

Wait a minute, is this the right number?

It's the loser line.

Come on, just call me back.

If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this,

let's say someone approaches you when you're out at the club

and uses this charming pickup line on you.

Dang, girl, are you a Pokemon?

Because I'd sure like to take a Pikachu through my telescope.

Oh, wait, that part's gone.

Weirder.

Whatever you do, don't point and laugh calling his telescope a microscope.

Hey, good one.

Instead, tell him, why watch from afar when you've got an open invite to get up close and personal? That's right. That's when you give him the number to the loser line. Of course, you should email him that number. You don't want to be in the same room with him when you do that. So hopefully he calls it and leaves an awkward voicemail that we can play over the air. Voicemails like this one. Next message. Hi.

This is a... My buddy, Kurt, told me I should call you.

Yeah, he thought it would be a good match.

Oh.

So, yeah, are you, like, on MySpace or whatever?

I'm just joking.

2003 was the last time I was single, so... I'm just getting back into the swing of things.

Anyway, I know we haven't seen each other in person,

but you should know that I'm like in really good shape for my age.

...