I recently found myself in an unusual state of terror and fear.

I've had anxiety and terror and fear throughout my life but it's been very focused on a specific topic in my life. I've always been very afraid of bad things happening to my loved

ones. Bad things happening to people I care about. But weirdly I've never really been that afraid

of bad things happening to me. Now don't give me wrong, there have been situations where I've been scared for my

own well-being, but it's always been very situational, like there's a clear threat, and that's why I'm frightened.

It's never been like me laying in bed at night, afraid of something bad happening to me.

I've always laid in bed at night and worried about bad things

happening to people I care about. And that's been sort of the source of a lot of my

anxiety for my whole life.

The only sort of anxiety that was prevalent growing up for me

was anxiety around whether or not people like me, which in retrospect is not

worth my energy, right right because it's like

who gives a fuck okay who fucking cares but

that was sort of my only anxiety

around myself was about whether or not people liked me,

whether or not people were mad at me,

whether or not I did something wrong and hurt someone's feelings, etc.

But I would say the majority of my fear and terror growing up

was about bad things happening to my loved ones.

But recently, that's changed and I have been living in this state of constant fear and terror about bad things happening to me.

Now I still have very bad anxiety around bad things happening to my loved ones, but now compounded on to that,

I'm scared of bad things happening to me.

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