Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about small repairs. Have you ever gotten a little paper cut? At first, you think it's so minor, so you ignore it.

Yes, it's a little bit of an annoyance,

but not big enough of a deal to do anything special. But then, after a few days, it gets worse

and worse, and it becomes so painful that it's interfering in your everyday life. And it's

all you can think about. So you finally treat it, and it actually heals. It's the very same with relationships. Small disagreements

and minor arguments left unaddressed can linger with you or your partner for days, weeks,

months, maybe even years. And just like that tiny cut on your hand, unless you resolve it and get

the wound treated, it will fester and grow and negatively impact

your relationship. So how do you heal it? How can you calm and dissipate hurt feelings? The answer?

Through repair. Research shows that the happiest couples repair unresolved conflicts as they occur

and make a point of doing it early and often. They never

let arguments, whether large or small, go too long without sitting down, listening to each other's

point of view, and repairing any emotional injuries. Because no matter how wonderful your relationship is,

you will at one time or another have arguments where you get critical and

defensive, say mean things to each other, or stonewall by storming out of the room and becoming

withdrawn or silent. Say your partner has a habit of always leaving the towel on the floor after

they shower. It's a little thing you realize, but it bugs the hell out of you. You've tried mentioning it,

but they still do it over and over. And now every time you see their towel on the floor,

you become so exasperated, you can barely speak to them. And by the time you do say something,

it sounds so silly, angrily complaining about a towel, that your partner becomes irritated and defensive

and lashes right back at you. So how do you begin to repair and heal this disagreement that's

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