How do I tell them? How do I pay the bills? How do I pay the bills? I know what goes through your head when you're living with cancer. The questions, the fears, the need to know. How do I know? Because I'm living with

cancer too. That's why I joined the Macmillan online community and we can help people like you, whatever you need to ask.

To join us, search Macmillan Online Community.

I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier.

One thing I learned from my happiness project is that whenever appropriate, I should do it for myself.

I used to have a bad habit of such do it for myself.

I used to have a bad habit of self-righteously telling myself that I'd made various efforts

for my husband, for my family, or whomever.

While this sounded generous, it led to an unfortunate result.

Often I expected other people to appreciate my efforts,

or at least notice my efforts and while sometimes it

made me feel virtuous sometimes it made me feel resentful and taken for granted.

Now when appropriate I remind myself, I'm doing this for myself. This is what I want.

I want orderly kitchen cabinets. I want to decorate for Halloween. I want to make periodic giant photo albums to document

our family adventures. All true. This approach may sound selfish, but in fact being honest with myself

makes me less demanding and resentful. It saves me from feeling to

respondent if people don't appreciate my efforts. I don't expect them to

respond in any way at all. In my observation it's very easy to fall into this trap.

I remember talking to a woman who was compiling an enormous book of her

memories, reflections, and favorite quotations to give to her daughters. That way she told

me they can really know their mother.

But I wondered, will they want to read through this

...