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Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Little Happier: “If He’ll Do It For You, He’ll Do It to You”: My Daughter and Father Hit on the Same Truth

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin / The Onward Project

Education, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

4.713K Ratings

🗓️ 22 July 2019

⏱️ 3 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

My daughter and my father hit on the same truth about dealing with people who play favorites: “If they’ll do it for you, they’ll do it to you.” Get in touch on Instagram: @GretchenRubin & @LizCraft Links and notes related to this episode can be found in the latest post here: https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/ Get the podcast show notes by email every week here: http://gretchenrubin.com/#newsletter Order a copy of Gretchen’s new book OUTER ORDER, INNER CALM here: http://outerorderinnercalmbook.com Leave a voicemail message on: 774-277-9336 To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier. I love secrets of adulthood,

0:05.2

when a big idea can be summarized in a phrase or sentence.

0:09.4

Because of something called the fluency heuristic, it turns out that if it's easier to say or

0:14.4

think something, it seems more valuable. And that affects the secrets of adulthood.

0:20.1

For instance, an idea that's expressed in a rhyming phrase seems more convincing than the same idea

0:25.6

paraphrased in a non rhyming phrase. So you get what you get and you don't get upset.

0:31.6

It's much more convincing that take what's given to you without a bus.

0:36.0

And anytime something is expressed in a particularly succinct and powerful way,

0:40.9

it has more power in our minds. And I recently encountered an example of this.

0:46.8

My daughter Eleanor often gives me a sort of student review of her teachers and her teaching styles.

0:51.8

She does this without whining or complaining, but making constructive observations about what she

0:57.3

thinks is and isn't working. In fact, I've often suggested to her over the years that she write

1:03.2

a kind of student's guide to teaching more effectively, because her observation seems so helpful

1:09.5

to me. She shows absolutely no interest in doing this. But anyway, she's been making these

1:14.8

observations ever since she was very young. And I remember that when she was really young,

1:19.9

she told me how it bothered her about one of her teachers that that teacher has favorites.

1:27.0

When she told me that, my response was something that perhaps was not admirable, but I think

1:31.4

understandable and apparent. I said, well, how does the teacher feel about you? And she said,

1:37.6

I'm one of her favorites. But still, that makes me like her less. Because maybe I'm a favorite now.

1:44.4

But the fact that I'm a favorite now means that I could not be a favorite.

1:49.5

At the time, I remember being impressed that such a young child could understand this fact about

1:54.0

the way the world works. As it happens just recently, my father was telling me a story about

...

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