I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier.

A while back, I read a book of letters, letters of James A.G. to Father Fly.

James A.G. is the well-known American writer, probably best known for his book, A Death in the Family.

I was very struck by something that A.G. wrote in February 1951 when he was about 41 years old.

He'd had serious heart trouble and had been hospitalized,

and had been told by the doctors that he needed to cut back on drinking and smoking.

In his letter, A.G. wrote,

I am depressed because whether I am to live a very short time or relatively longer time depends

on whether or not I can learn to be the kind of person I am not and have always detested.

And indeed, A.G. didn't cut back on the drinking and smoking,

and he died of a heart attack at age 45 in a taxi on his way to see a doctor.

In my book Better Than Before, I talk about the strategies we can use to change our habits,

and A.G. alludes to the strategy that took me the longest to recognize, the strategy of identity.

When we find it hard to change a habit, when we keep trying and failing, often an issue of identity

is involved. Often, habits can't change until identity changes.

For instance, a person identifies as the fun one, the one who says yes to everything,

but also wants to cut back on drinking. A person identifies as a workaholic,

but then wants to work reasonable hours. The identity is incompatible with the change in habits.

For the habit to change, the identity must change.

James A.G. liked to drink and smoke, certainly, but he also considered himself that kind of person.

So to change his habits, he had both to stop drinking and smoking, and also learn to be the kind of person

he was not. But he wrote he detested that kind of person. Now, wonder it was hard for him to change?

...