I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is a little happier.

A friend and I were recently swapping stories about different jobs we'd had when we were younger.

And she told me a story about the first summer she spent as a waitress.

And several times she had tables of people who seemed really nice and she gave them really great service

and she seemed like she had a really great rapport with them.

She went that whole extra mile and she'd think, wow, I'm going to get a great tip.

And then she wouldn't.

Other times she'd have tables of people who seemed very indifferent or grouchy or picky or demanding

and she'd think, wow, they're going to stiff me and they'd leave a generous tip.

So finally she mentioned this observation to her manager and he said,

you're only surprised because you just started waitressing.

You'll see almost always people tip whatever they usually tip.

They don't tip more or less based on you and what you do.

And to me, this story seems to contain two lessons.

First is, although I often feel like I'm the center of the action,

often I'm not.

People aren't adjusting everything they do based on me.

I need to remember that in many cases, I'm not responsible for the reactions that I think I'm provoking.

Second, habit is powerful.

As Aristotle wrote, we are what we repeatedly do.

A generous person makes a habit of generosity.

The service for that particular meal at that particular restaurant with that particular waitress

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