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The Best of You

Let Your No Be No (And Stop Overexplaining!)

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9957 Ratings

🗓️ 21 April 2026

⏱️ 11 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Today’s Scripture is: Matthew 5:33-37 Why is it so hard to say what we really mean? This episode explores the emotional and psychological roots of people-pleasing, over-explaining, and softening our truth. With insight from Scripture and psychology, you’ll learn how to move toward clarity, integrity, and more honest connection. In this episode: *The hidden cost of people-pleasing and overfunctioning *How empathy and attunement can make boundaries harder *The role of the nervous system in saying yes or no *Why clarity actually creates deeper connection *Simple ways to practice honest communication without guilt Go Deeper: Episode 14: The Fawn Response & the Hidden Root of People Pleasing Episode 171: Why People Pleasing Actually Makes You Feel More Alone, and 3 Steps to Create Real Connection Learn healthy boundaries in The Best of You - get the first 3 chapters free here. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey everyone, I'm Dr. Allison. Today's scripture offers us a wiser way of being human as we step into the day.

0:12.0

Today's passage is short, but it's incredibly profound, because so many of us live in a kind of internal tension between what we feel, what we think we should say, and what

0:22.1

we actually say to other people. And over time, that gap can become exhausting, especially if you've

0:29.3

learned to be attentive to other people's needs, other people's moods, other people's expectations,

0:34.5

especially if you become skilled at keeping the peace, smoothing things over, or anticipating

0:39.4

what will make someone else feel comfortable. What can happen is that you begin to lose touch with

0:45.4

your own clear center, your own true north. You start speaking from fear instead of truth,

0:51.8

from obligation, instead of conviction, from anxiety, instead of integrity.

0:57.7

And that wears down the soul. So today, Jesus gives us a teaching that is simple on the surface,

1:04.1

but challenging in practice. Today's scripture is Matthew 533 through 37. You have heard that it was said to the people long ago,

1:14.8

do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made. But I tell you, do not swear an

1:21.1

oath at all, either by heaven, for it is God's throne or by the earth, for that is his footstool,

1:26.3

or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king.

1:29.5

And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.

1:34.7

All you need to say is simply yes or no. Anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

1:43.6

At first, this last verse can feel almost too simple.

1:47.0

Just say yes or no.

1:49.0

But when you sit with it for a moment, you realize how difficult that actually is.

1:54.0

Because most of us understand what yes and no means, but we struggle with saying them.

2:00.0

We say yes, when we mean no, we equivocate, when we really

2:04.1

just want to say a clean yes, we soften our no into maybe, we explain, justify, over-clary

2:10.7

and cushion our words, hoping they will be more acceptable. And underneath that is often

...

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